LateKO
Active Member
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2016
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
Hello and welcome, new player.
Allow me to reveal some of the likely outcomes of you purchasing this game:
The 'Cannon Fodder' (40% of all players) - Never really good enough to make it past Nova 3, constantly flaming, talking sh it, changing their names and pictures to things increasingly racist, blaming hackers, smurfs, lag and weapon choice of oponents for just what is a mixture of adderall exhausted reflexes and having a shitty gaming rig from 2002, frame dropping on source games.
Can be easily identified by it's trademark defence mechanism, when being called out for being bad the Cannon Fodder will attempt to convince it's team it has been 'Trolling' all along.
Habitat: Dust2
The 'Enthusiasts' (30% of all players) - A wide range of Skillsets from Nova Master to around Legendary Eagle, these players can perform consistantly and at least show a basic level of human decency, most of them will give an unenthusastic hand job for $2.49USD because they feel they are 'due for a knife' or because 'my friend told me he had a feeling' Will one day be doing unspreakable things for a japenese businessman on a glass coffee table to pay off gambling debts that can be traced directly back to a greedy c*nt and his case racket.
Habitat: Dust2, Nuke, Mirage, Cache
The 'C unts' (15% of all players) - A curious breed, come in two distinct flavours 'Hacker' and i mean legit hacker, not hacker because he saw your shadow in bedroom on dust2 and prefired you, you fuc king mook, These are players who either used to or almost fit into the 'Enthusiast Category' and were turned into soulless, spineless dic kbags who cannot win on skill or merit. The other flavour, less cancerous but just as annoying 'Smurfs' people who play at levels far beneath there skill to boost their friends, ruin other peoples day for the joy of being a cu nt or to boost their dwindling ego that is one Sylvia Plath poem away from a stomach full of painkillers in the bathtub.
Habitat: Dust2, Nuke, Mirage, Cache, Train, Overpass, Inferno, Cobblestone, Office, Assault, Any Operation Maps
The 'Pros' (15% of all players) - Professional Esports player OR someone who has played enough CS (usually in excess of 1500 hours - 9 weeks to us humans) to get to a level where they know every smoke, every flash, every angle, every strat on every map and to you i say kudos, kudos on mastering a video game to the point you know it as well as your mothers disappointed face when she looks at you knowing that while normal people are studying, working or contributing to society in someway, you were hunched over your keyboard for the 7th straight hour of the day, mouth breathing in pleasure as that voice says 'Counter Terrorists Win'
Habitat: Mothers basement
Pros and Cons (You decide which)
You can set the water on fire.
You can survive gunshots to the head.
You can tank a grenade from point-blank and still survive.
You can chase chickens.
You can only kill a fish if you throw a nade in the water. Shooting them with guns of any caliber will not harm them at all.
You can fall from 20 meters and still run perfectly fine after that.
You can get shot in your arm and still be 100% accurate.
You can lose all of your money(real money,for skins) and not get anything good.
Digital knives actually cost more than real knives.
You can lose your mind.
You can't swim.
Chickens.
Fastest way to learn fluent Russian.
Never see the sunlight once you buy it.
Lose all of your friends.
Things I gave to Counter-Strike:
1. Money
2. Time
3. Love
Things Counter-Strike gave me:
1. Arthritis
2. Rage
3, Hatred of Russians,Spanish, and Russians
4. Broken keyboard
5. Broken mouse
6. 9/10 ready
7. Server crashes
8. Shit teammates
9. Hatred of Autos & P90s
10. Competitive matches
11. "Ez Pz" spam
12. Multilingual cursing - I guess this is a good thing?
13. Lag
14. Cheaters
15- 64 tick servers
Essentially - CS is a greedy woman, but I love her all the time.
11/10 will play again
Allow me to reveal some of the likely outcomes of you purchasing this game:
The 'Cannon Fodder' (40% of all players) - Never really good enough to make it past Nova 3, constantly flaming, talking sh it, changing their names and pictures to things increasingly racist, blaming hackers, smurfs, lag and weapon choice of oponents for just what is a mixture of adderall exhausted reflexes and having a shitty gaming rig from 2002, frame dropping on source games.
Can be easily identified by it's trademark defence mechanism, when being called out for being bad the Cannon Fodder will attempt to convince it's team it has been 'Trolling' all along.
Habitat: Dust2
The 'Enthusiasts' (30% of all players) - A wide range of Skillsets from Nova Master to around Legendary Eagle, these players can perform consistantly and at least show a basic level of human decency, most of them will give an unenthusastic hand job for $2.49USD because they feel they are 'due for a knife' or because 'my friend told me he had a feeling' Will one day be doing unspreakable things for a japenese businessman on a glass coffee table to pay off gambling debts that can be traced directly back to a greedy c*nt and his case racket.
Habitat: Dust2, Nuke, Mirage, Cache
The 'C unts' (15% of all players) - A curious breed, come in two distinct flavours 'Hacker' and i mean legit hacker, not hacker because he saw your shadow in bedroom on dust2 and prefired you, you fuc king mook, These are players who either used to or almost fit into the 'Enthusiast Category' and were turned into soulless, spineless dic kbags who cannot win on skill or merit. The other flavour, less cancerous but just as annoying 'Smurfs' people who play at levels far beneath there skill to boost their friends, ruin other peoples day for the joy of being a cu nt or to boost their dwindling ego that is one Sylvia Plath poem away from a stomach full of painkillers in the bathtub.
Habitat: Dust2, Nuke, Mirage, Cache, Train, Overpass, Inferno, Cobblestone, Office, Assault, Any Operation Maps
The 'Pros' (15% of all players) - Professional Esports player OR someone who has played enough CS (usually in excess of 1500 hours - 9 weeks to us humans) to get to a level where they know every smoke, every flash, every angle, every strat on every map and to you i say kudos, kudos on mastering a video game to the point you know it as well as your mothers disappointed face when she looks at you knowing that while normal people are studying, working or contributing to society in someway, you were hunched over your keyboard for the 7th straight hour of the day, mouth breathing in pleasure as that voice says 'Counter Terrorists Win'
Habitat: Mothers basement
Pros and Cons (You decide which)
You can set the water on fire.
You can survive gunshots to the head.
You can tank a grenade from point-blank and still survive.
You can chase chickens.
You can only kill a fish if you throw a nade in the water. Shooting them with guns of any caliber will not harm them at all.
You can fall from 20 meters and still run perfectly fine after that.
You can get shot in your arm and still be 100% accurate.
You can lose all of your money(real money,for skins) and not get anything good.
Digital knives actually cost more than real knives.
You can lose your mind.
You can't swim.
Chickens.
Fastest way to learn fluent Russian.
Never see the sunlight once you buy it.
Lose all of your friends.
Things I gave to Counter-Strike:
1. Money
2. Time
3. Love
Things Counter-Strike gave me:
1. Arthritis
2. Rage
3, Hatred of Russians,Spanish, and Russians
4. Broken keyboard
5. Broken mouse
6. 9/10 ready
7. Server crashes
8. Shit teammates
9. Hatred of Autos & P90s
10. Competitive matches
11. "Ez Pz" spam
12. Multilingual cursing - I guess this is a good thing?
13. Lag
14. Cheaters
15- 64 tick servers
Essentially - CS is a greedy woman, but I love her all the time.
11/10 will play again
